Okay, let the discussion begin. I have lots of thoughts on this but I am still struggling to organize them. Here are a couple of random thoughts I have so far:
1. I love her focus on training her children to use their agency by allowing them to use it now. I know that I tend to be the "carrying" type of parent and I see how that infringes on their agency (and completely wears me out in the process). You all know how strongly I feel about the idea of acting rather than being acted upon.
2. Of course, she nailed it on the head as she addressed the paradox we are faced with to teach yet give unconditional love. I am relatively familiar with Love and Logic so some of her ideas weren't new for me. However, reading her words helped me feel like it is possible to cheerfully discipline my children (and show compassion). A big help was the attention she gave to the fact that we must expect the kids to make mistakes. These are not problems but teaching opportunities. I love how the authors of Love and Logic put it. They say that we love these mistakes because we teach the children when the cost is low. But if we coddle them while they're little the price grows and grows as they get older. A broken leg from climbing a rock is a cheaper way to learn caution than a car accident. Celebrate the mistakes and joyfully use them to teach.
3. It became clear as I was reading this that this method requires so much more of us than we are accustomed to...at least for awhile. But I did feel like it would certainly work best in her Headgates model of home. Trying to consistently use these principles while traveling about the city, visiting friends, shopping, etc would be an exercise in futility. So, that is a large prerequisite...one that I hope to accomplish sooner than later. (Stop laughing) That being said, while the methods might not work for everyone, I think the principles are sound. If her methods don't work, don't throw the article out. Just dig out the principles and find a method that would support them in your environment.
4. Spanking. Well? I dunno. I see her logic. I agree with her logic. I believe it would work. But am I capable of spanking? I don't think my hand could deliver. Is there an alternative? I agree that timeout when a child is disobeying a request is ineffective. It's not fast enough and it gives them what they want...to not do the thing they were asked to do. I did a whole study on spanking in college. The studies showed that spanking, when done lovingly and consistently, did no more harm than any other forms of discipline. In fact, timeout can have all those negative results we mistakenly associate with spanking if it is done inconsistently and with the wrong emotions attached. But that doesn't remove the fact that it would require me to "hit." So, I like the cycle she has created but I wonder if there is something else that could be plugged into the spanking spot. Any thoughts?
4a. When you start thinking about the application of her other methods, they really do seem to rely upon having established a direct obedience to her requests. Thus, the spanking question really does need to be addresssed. Otherwise, there is going to be a lot of picking up my child and making them go to timeout. Such a method can only work so long since Ollie is already breaking my back.
4b. Do the ends justify the means in this case? Like sleep training, is some serious discomfort worth the lesson learned? In my experience with sleep training so far...the answer comes down to a 50/50. Unless, of course, you have the help of angels and then everything looks different.
That's it! I just need a couple concourses of angles hanging around. Sounds nicer.
Anyway, I see that I have a propensity to be a bit on the believing side when something is in writing. And I am on the inexperienced side of mothering. So, I am curious what some experienced mothers have to say about this. What do you disagree with? Do you disagree because of your personal circumstances or because you think the method/principle is off?
Can't wait to hear from all of you! (I even used an exclamation mark, so you'd better plan on responding.)
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
blog updates
k - I've invited Caralee, Kristy Anna, Ellie and my friend Kristin. Now that we've kinda got the kinks figured out, hopefully they can all join in easily. Also, I want to thank Sarah Annie for her posts - they are exactly what I hoped we would be reading and discussing. I'm sorry I haven't been more active in responding and posting my own thoughts - I will repent and do better!
Love you all
Love you all
Friday, May 20, 2011
Book Musings- Return from Tomorrow
I've decided I need to write a little bit about the books I read so there is some record that I have actually read a book. I also know that I will retain more and learn more if I write some of my thoughts down. I shall call these little writings "Book Musings" because I could never rightly call them a "Book Report." Even the word musings might be too generous for what I'll be able to write. Anyway, read them if you want...don't if you don't.
Return from Tomorrow by George G. Ritchie
I ate this book whole. Loved it. I am particularly glad that I had read "Life in the World Unseen" first because I could see many similarities and parallels. There is no part of this book that I didn't like...and frankly, I can't think of any parts that I took issue with.
I don't remember all the things in "Life in the World Unseen" but I do remember learning about the people who were in hell and how sick and warped they were. Ritchie describes this as well. When I had read it in "Life in the World Unseen" I had wondered how those unhappy souls were interacting with us. I now think that they might not be the ones that we are so often bothered by. Ritchie describes the souls who have earthly addictions and appetites and how they live amongst us desperately trying to satisfy those habits and desires through us. Obviously, a whole hoard of things in our world could keep such souls near us. But what I found very interesting was Ritchie's description of the level of light that is here. He talks about souls who are seekers of truth but they have forgotten to seek the Source of truth. These souls are good and actively engaged in good work...but they missed the mark. I believe that it is this level that Monsignor Benson was in when he communicated to Anthony Borgia. Ritchie was taken to see (from a very far distance) the Celestial Kingdom (he doesn't call it that). This Kingdom is not present here like the one described by Benson. I found this interesting because it is clear that Benson has some pretty serious holes in his knowledge. He is still tied to this earlth, albeit in a better state than others who are tied here.
I loved the part when Ritchie becomes aware that everyone, even the darkest of souls, had a being of light hovering over them. He reasoned that each of those beings could have been Christ, since Christ was with him. But he acknowledged that they could have just been angels. I love that he couldn't tell. It made me thing of the mantel of missionaries. When we are set apart as missionaries, we are told that we are representatives of Christ. We used to tell people we met that we were "personal representatives of Jesus Christ." I believe these angels are present and that those in a guardian capacity have likely been set apart and given the directive to stand as a personal representative of Jesus Christ to those they are protecting and serving. So, in essence, the Lord does stand over each of us through His servants.
I loved the description of Christ laughing. I may never ever find a painting of Christ that does the less-serious side of Him any justice. But at least this passage has given me a sense of that gentle sense of humor He might have. Thank goodness. I simply can't believe the Savior lives in a state of doom and gloom and heartache. As we know, there is opposition in all things. I'm glad the Savior laughs.
At first I was disappointed that his experience had ended with so many pages left to read. I wanted there to be so much more. But as I read, I became grateful that he took the time to account what happened after. Of greatest significance to me was the reality that he still had to undergo his conversion. Just like the visitation of an angel is not enough, a near death experience is not enough. We must allow the Holy Ghost to change us. Anything other than that will not be a sufficient testimony. Knowing this, makes me a little bit less envious of those who get to have these experiences.
What I got from this book, aside from yet another testimony that the Gospel is true, is the boiled down principle that charity is everything. Our relationships and the love we have for our fellow man and God's creations are what matters. I feel like a fog has been lifted. Cobwebs have been swept aside. I am nothing without this love. Nothing I do has any significance to me unless I am in the pursuit of charity. How can we waste our lives worrying about Brangelina, our dress size, how much everyone else is making, Obama's birth certificate, etc etc etc?! Who cares? Who cares about those things when we realize that the power to love as Christ loves is within our reach if we just have the faith to ask and receive?
And yet...we still have to keep living. There are bills to pay, handing off children to X's every other weekend, freedoms to maintain, health to pursue, etc. What I see is that these very things exist not to distract us from our goal but they exist to give us a place to practice charity. We are not successful in any of these areas unless the primary/real goal has been met, which is to act with charity. They are not tests, they are opportunities to BECOME as Elder Oaks urges us to do.
Having read "Return from Tomorrow" has seriously affected the state of my heart, my desires and my prayers. The image of a being of light hovering over everyone has been echoing in my head. Whenever I am struggling to feel charity for someone, I picture that personage behind their shoulder and all of a sudden I see a person who is worthy of Christ's love, care, attention, atonement and His very life. How can I NOT love such a person and stand in awe of their worth? Imagine my surpise to stand in front of the mirror this morning and apply this image to my own reflection.
Now that is what a good book can do for a person.
Return from Tomorrow by George G. Ritchie
I ate this book whole. Loved it. I am particularly glad that I had read "Life in the World Unseen" first because I could see many similarities and parallels. There is no part of this book that I didn't like...and frankly, I can't think of any parts that I took issue with.
I don't remember all the things in "Life in the World Unseen" but I do remember learning about the people who were in hell and how sick and warped they were. Ritchie describes this as well. When I had read it in "Life in the World Unseen" I had wondered how those unhappy souls were interacting with us. I now think that they might not be the ones that we are so often bothered by. Ritchie describes the souls who have earthly addictions and appetites and how they live amongst us desperately trying to satisfy those habits and desires through us. Obviously, a whole hoard of things in our world could keep such souls near us. But what I found very interesting was Ritchie's description of the level of light that is here. He talks about souls who are seekers of truth but they have forgotten to seek the Source of truth. These souls are good and actively engaged in good work...but they missed the mark. I believe that it is this level that Monsignor Benson was in when he communicated to Anthony Borgia. Ritchie was taken to see (from a very far distance) the Celestial Kingdom (he doesn't call it that). This Kingdom is not present here like the one described by Benson. I found this interesting because it is clear that Benson has some pretty serious holes in his knowledge. He is still tied to this earlth, albeit in a better state than others who are tied here.
I loved the part when Ritchie becomes aware that everyone, even the darkest of souls, had a being of light hovering over them. He reasoned that each of those beings could have been Christ, since Christ was with him. But he acknowledged that they could have just been angels. I love that he couldn't tell. It made me thing of the mantel of missionaries. When we are set apart as missionaries, we are told that we are representatives of Christ. We used to tell people we met that we were "personal representatives of Jesus Christ." I believe these angels are present and that those in a guardian capacity have likely been set apart and given the directive to stand as a personal representative of Jesus Christ to those they are protecting and serving. So, in essence, the Lord does stand over each of us through His servants.
I loved the description of Christ laughing. I may never ever find a painting of Christ that does the less-serious side of Him any justice. But at least this passage has given me a sense of that gentle sense of humor He might have. Thank goodness. I simply can't believe the Savior lives in a state of doom and gloom and heartache. As we know, there is opposition in all things. I'm glad the Savior laughs.
At first I was disappointed that his experience had ended with so many pages left to read. I wanted there to be so much more. But as I read, I became grateful that he took the time to account what happened after. Of greatest significance to me was the reality that he still had to undergo his conversion. Just like the visitation of an angel is not enough, a near death experience is not enough. We must allow the Holy Ghost to change us. Anything other than that will not be a sufficient testimony. Knowing this, makes me a little bit less envious of those who get to have these experiences.
What I got from this book, aside from yet another testimony that the Gospel is true, is the boiled down principle that charity is everything. Our relationships and the love we have for our fellow man and God's creations are what matters. I feel like a fog has been lifted. Cobwebs have been swept aside. I am nothing without this love. Nothing I do has any significance to me unless I am in the pursuit of charity. How can we waste our lives worrying about Brangelina, our dress size, how much everyone else is making, Obama's birth certificate, etc etc etc?! Who cares? Who cares about those things when we realize that the power to love as Christ loves is within our reach if we just have the faith to ask and receive?
And yet...we still have to keep living. There are bills to pay, handing off children to X's every other weekend, freedoms to maintain, health to pursue, etc. What I see is that these very things exist not to distract us from our goal but they exist to give us a place to practice charity. We are not successful in any of these areas unless the primary/real goal has been met, which is to act with charity. They are not tests, they are opportunities to BECOME as Elder Oaks urges us to do.
Having read "Return from Tomorrow" has seriously affected the state of my heart, my desires and my prayers. The image of a being of light hovering over everyone has been echoing in my head. Whenever I am struggling to feel charity for someone, I picture that personage behind their shoulder and all of a sudden I see a person who is worthy of Christ's love, care, attention, atonement and His very life. How can I NOT love such a person and stand in awe of their worth? Imagine my surpise to stand in front of the mirror this morning and apply this image to my own reflection.
Now that is what a good book can do for a person.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Meditation for Mormons
http://www.sunstonemagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/sbi/articles/141-20-31.pdf
Here is a link to an interesting article about meditation. I feel like it is a good starting point. He touches on the basics and explains why we should take the time to do it. He states that his development of Christlike attributes was vastly improved as the result of his meditation. Perhaps he attributes this development too much to his meditation (there is a lot to be said about the purpose of mortality, experience and relationships in relation to the development of such attributes). However, I am intrigued by the studies among monks that showed their neural activity was off the charts and that the areas of their brains where maternal love, empathy, joy, happiness, etc are centered were anatomically enlarged due to their meditation and lifestyle. (see Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain- I just got it from the library today because I clearly don't have enough to read) So, I do believe there is real value to taking the time to meditate and I am seriously interested in learning how to do it without falling asleep or thinking of 10 million other things. I'm now just waiting to be led to the instruction I need to actually do it.
P.S. This is an article from Sunstone Magazine. So, like all things we read, I felt it was important to read it with care.
P.S.S I contacted the man who did the Meditation for Mormons workshop last year to see if another one was in the works. He informed me that he no longer does them specifically for Mormons because the Church doesn't want its members to be solicited/targeted. He still holds workshops but no longer uses Mormon language. I'd still love to find a way to learn from Catherine Thomas. I don't suppose she does private seminars? Who wants to volunteer their sleuth skills and powers of persuastion to find her and bring her to us?
Here is a link to an interesting article about meditation. I feel like it is a good starting point. He touches on the basics and explains why we should take the time to do it. He states that his development of Christlike attributes was vastly improved as the result of his meditation. Perhaps he attributes this development too much to his meditation (there is a lot to be said about the purpose of mortality, experience and relationships in relation to the development of such attributes). However, I am intrigued by the studies among monks that showed their neural activity was off the charts and that the areas of their brains where maternal love, empathy, joy, happiness, etc are centered were anatomically enlarged due to their meditation and lifestyle. (see Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain- I just got it from the library today because I clearly don't have enough to read) So, I do believe there is real value to taking the time to meditate and I am seriously interested in learning how to do it without falling asleep or thinking of 10 million other things. I'm now just waiting to be led to the instruction I need to actually do it.
P.S. This is an article from Sunstone Magazine. So, like all things we read, I felt it was important to read it with care.
P.S.S I contacted the man who did the Meditation for Mormons workshop last year to see if another one was in the works. He informed me that he no longer does them specifically for Mormons because the Church doesn't want its members to be solicited/targeted. He still holds workshops but no longer uses Mormon language. I'd still love to find a way to learn from Catherine Thomas. I don't suppose she does private seminars? Who wants to volunteer their sleuth skills and powers of persuastion to find her and bring her to us?
Monday, May 16, 2011
We are our own masters
Thought I'd pass along this quote by Spencer W. Kimball:
"Our ill are usually of our own begetting. They must be corrected by ourselves. Man is the master of his destiny, be it good or bad. Man has the inherent capacity to heal himself physically. A doctor may cleanse a wound, sew it up, bandage it well, but the natural power of the body must do the healing. Likewise, a healing process in the spirit and mind must come from within the self will. Others may help to cauterize the wound, suture it, and provide a clean proper environment for the healing, but the body, with the aid of the Spirit, must heal itself."
I love the implications of this. Our society has taught us that we have to go elsewhere for healing, whether it be physical or emotional. I take comfort is knowing that those are only tools. The real thing we need is the Holy Ghost to direct us to our own natural healing done through the Savior. I have felt this going on so much in my life. I feel like I am being led to the information and teachings that are enabling me to see my options and make the decision to heal. It comes back to agency. We have been acted upon so much that we forget the degree to which we CAN choose for ourselves. And, of course, we have forgotten that we have the power available to us to make these changes and choices.
Am I being too repetitive when I saw that we live far beneath our privileges? Maybe if I say it enough, I'll eventually live accordingly.
"Our ill are usually of our own begetting. They must be corrected by ourselves. Man is the master of his destiny, be it good or bad. Man has the inherent capacity to heal himself physically. A doctor may cleanse a wound, sew it up, bandage it well, but the natural power of the body must do the healing. Likewise, a healing process in the spirit and mind must come from within the self will. Others may help to cauterize the wound, suture it, and provide a clean proper environment for the healing, but the body, with the aid of the Spirit, must heal itself."
I love the implications of this. Our society has taught us that we have to go elsewhere for healing, whether it be physical or emotional. I take comfort is knowing that those are only tools. The real thing we need is the Holy Ghost to direct us to our own natural healing done through the Savior. I have felt this going on so much in my life. I feel like I am being led to the information and teachings that are enabling me to see my options and make the decision to heal. It comes back to agency. We have been acted upon so much that we forget the degree to which we CAN choose for ourselves. And, of course, we have forgotten that we have the power available to us to make these changes and choices.
Am I being too repetitive when I saw that we live far beneath our privileges? Maybe if I say it enough, I'll eventually live accordingly.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Mom's Retreat registration!
REMINDER!!! The registration day is tomorrow - so put your letter in the mail and go online to sign up. If you need help - let me know - it'll be worth it!
Friday, May 13, 2011
trying again...
Hi again dear ones - Sarah and I want to get this going again. We feel like the last time we tried the blog idea, the setup got complicated and everyone chickened out, for fear of that terrifying technology stuff. This time we want to KISS (keep it simple, stupid). We want this to be a place of regular thoughts and discussion, to help us keep our fire alive in our goals regarding body, mind and spirit. We can post links to articles, add quotes, whatever floats your boat (short of nudie photos, although even that is allowed if the nudies are under age 3!). Also, if you let us know you want in on this, we can set it up so you have a tab at the top, like ours, to add in or edit your goals. We can also set it up so that you get an email every time someone posts to the blog! That way, you don't have to go searching to see if people are talking - the discussions come to you - along with a set of ginsu knives - not really. Anyway, I've clearly been tinkering with technology too long and am getting crazy. Hope you join in - and if we can get it up and rolling, we can invite others. Let's hear some feedback! Love you!
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